TESTIMONIES

 

A New Lease On Life

By Denise Wicks

 

"I am so excited to share my testimony with you. I am

very grateful to the Lord and Freedom House Ministry for

the change that has recently taken place in my life."

 

I have been a Christian for many years.  I have taught women's Bible classes, discipled women, been involved in various responsibilities at church and prayer groups.  But behind the mask I wore was a wounded child, teenager and adult who was falling deeper into a dark depression. No matter how many healing lines I got in, conferences I went to, I always felt bad about myself. I tried fasting, intense prayer, teaching tapes and reading many books but nothing seemed to help. I ended up having trouble working and taking care of my home.  I didn't want to go to church, read my Bible or pray. I didn't enjoy my small group I had been in for years or being with friends. All I felt was intense sadness and  foreboding.  Some days these feelings were so overwhelming I found life just too hard to live. I cried a lot and began to drink more, hoping my pain and constant failures would just leave me alone for a while.  My favorite time of day was bedtime so I could escape and have some relief. I felt as though I had been ship wrecked and was floating further and further out to sea. There was a strong pull on my life to just give up and return to my old life style before I became a Christian. I held the façade up as long as I could because I was so ashamed. Guilt and condemnation were the daily duo that consumed my life.  I cried out to God and tried to change, but I still grew worse.  This went on for years. All I knew was that the Lord had told me I had a crack in my foundation and somehow I knew I did not believe in my heart that God loved me. 

Like many I grew up in a very dysfunctional home and later experienced different forms of abuse. My response to all this pain was destroying me and I always felt like a victim. Finally this past September I reached the end and just could not live like this anymore. I cried out to the Lord with all my heart. My doctor increased my antidepressant which helped me feel better so I could think more clearly. I knew there was more and the Lord spoke to me ofFreedom House Ministry, which I had heard about several years ago. I went to their website and called for help.

I have been in prayer counseling with Mari Anne Andersen since September and finally at 53 years old, I am experiencing freedom and emotional healing.  I have never really known "rest" until now. I had no idea how hurts can be started in one's life as early as the womb.  I now understand better why I respond to others the way I do. I understand my performance to earn love and attention from others, my perfectionism, and my inability to receive from others. My response to these wound and hurts resulted in judgments and vows that have held me in chains all my life and kept me a victim. I hated myself and felt I had no value because I could never see myself as God saw me. 

Now all these hurts and wounds and the lies that go with them are  being replaced with God's truth. I have forgiven those who hurt me and taken the judgments and vows I made against them to the cross of Jesus Christ. 

Freedom House has been like a lighthouse that has drawn me out of darkness into the light of God's truth. I am learning to know and receive God's love for just who I am. I now have hope and look forward to being totally healed so I can fulfill God's destiny for me and be truly free!! -- December 2008